10 Tips to Help You Deal with Your Ex

I found this article by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. on www.psychologytoday.com. It really gives some good tips on dealing with an ex.

Holding on to anger and resentment will bring everyone down.

Most of us have at least one former partner in our lives. Sometimes these relationships are smooth and sometimes the lines between ex and ex-tremely bothersome may be blurred. Here are some tips to help you make that relationship work without hurting your current partner.

1. Be patient. There’s usually uncomfortable fallout from most relationships so give your ex (and yourself) a little space to make appropriate adjustments.

2. Seek balance. If you and your ex have kids together you will be connected with this person for a long time. Putting the kids (both old and new) first will help you keep your priorities straight.

3. Don’t threaten, name call or belittle. Having a mature and respectful relationship with your ex is healthy for you, for them and for your current relationship. If you are not in a place where you can be emotionally stable around (or about) your ex then communicate via e-mail or through a third party until you (or they) have calmed down.

4. Use soothing words and tones. Getting upset and angry is not going to help you get your point across. Remember that there are probably some hurt feelings lingering so the more gentle you are (without becoming a doormat) the more likely you will arrive at a mutually beneficial decision.

5. Don’t talk business at family gatherings. If you see your ex at a family event, be polite, but don’t try to talk about “relationship business” issues. These discussions are best kept private and between the two of you.

6. Don’t use the kids as leverage. One of the most damaging things people can do it to put their kids between themselves and the ex. This makes everyone uncomfortable and will make your relationship with your children and current partner more difficult.

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